Water Melon Magic

I’ve been stuck in a creative rut. For months. Many months. I have been sifting through my way of living, my history of poor choices, and working on being a “better” person. To love my self. To eradicate the self sabotaging tendencies and internal criticism. Catch up with my inner child, find out where along the way she picked up the all baggage she carries with her. And of course working on being vulnerable, honest, present, ( The list goes on)  I am working… but my self-help occupation hasn’t been helpful in my “work” … my creative drive… although making Art is a therapy all it’s own. I felt like I had so much to say, but didn’t know how to express it. How to communicate the feelings of change, pain, insecurities, loneliness. How to connect with other people, about this stage in my life, through something visual, tangible…… I just didn’t know where to start. So I didn’t.

This is where the water melons came from. In one of those moments of needing to create something, say something…  I  sat down, with some paint and paper and painted the first thing that came into my head. Then I painted it again, and again, over and over, a meditation, a rhythm, an addictive gesture. Something so simple,  child like, and FUN. I would wake up in the morning and the first thing I would think about was painting Water Melons. Just as simply as that I felt engaged in creative thoughts again. Now I am back to painting everyday, silly quirky things (Love birds, and Cockatiels, Whales, Cats, and Hot sauces ) Nothing new, or groundbreaking, but I am forming a habit, having a practice. Water Melons were my gate-way drug to being back in the swing of it. I know that eventually I’ll be ready to make work that represents some of the harder feelings I’ve been going through. That how I will express and share will come to me….  I am just not there yet… and that’s ok too.

In the meantime I’ll oblige the child, and make art that feels fun. Because fun is important too, right gang??

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Me, Myself, and I

I always go back and forth about that this online”space” is.

Is it an online journal, or a place to collect and keep track of what I am doing “Artistically”.

Since I became an Instagram addict about 3 years ago, I find that my desire to put photos somewhere public, of my Art, Life and whatever, and have total strangers look at them, is satisfied. With much less writing. Much less attaching camera to laptop. Much less frustration over figuring out how to actually make a blog look the way I want it too. I guess that’s the thing about phones now, they are so easy and portable and in your pocket when ever you step under a beautiful sunset, or your dog strikes a pose, or your drinking a coffee by yourself, pretending to enjoy a moment alone, but checking your phone to see if anyone messaged because you are actually lonely.

“Portfolio” or “confessional”

What I love about the internet is being able to sneak peeks/snoop into other peoples lives (or the lives people contrive and show) Of their art works, homes, closets. Their accomplishments, of their struggles and general acts of being human, in a world where we share everything. It’s in-depth people watching, from the comfort of my own home.

I also find lately, that living in a small town, away from “home” and a creative community, that I turn to the internet a lot more with questions, inspiration and culture.

The ever growing common occurrence for many people (my self 100% included) is that you start to feel like your life kinda sucks compared to everyone else’s.  Sometimes, I feel left out. I feel like I am not accomplishing enough. I feel like I am not enough.

I am Enough.

So what am I trying to convey here with Compass and Hatchet? What need is having an online journal or presence satisfying?  Why would people want to read what I have to say? … and so on…

I have always loved journaling, and taking photos and having an audience (I’ll be the first to admit that I love attention.) And I am really into the idea of “checking in” of having assignments and structure. So this is the new direction I am taking with having a Blog.

I am committing to writing weekly. To giving myself assignments. To contributing to the internet’s lure of seeing in to the life of a total stranger, and to hopefully, connect. To someone, anyone, to everyone, who is like me.

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